There is a lot of discussion when the topic of sex before marriage arises. In this post, I will demystify some of the mundane dogmas tightly held by society, even though most outcomes have a direct negative effect on one’s mental health. I will also explore some irrefutable facts surrounding the two conflicting doctrines: sex before marriage or sex before wedding?
Among the major societal cages are culture and religion. While I am not against the two, it is important that we begin to release the many ropes we use to tie ourselves. It is also important to note that people made culture; culture didn’t make people. Because it is people who set up the many cultures, we can also dismantle most of them, just as we often have constitution review, and there should also be a review of cultural customs and traditions. One of the major differences between humans and other species of animals is our ability to query and question certain perspectives around many beliefs that were handed down to us by our predecessors.
AIM
The aim of this article is to answer the question surrounding sex before marriage as opposed to sex before wedding. Another vital point is the question of when marriage actually starts. Does the wedding mark the beginning of marriage? And why sex before the wedding isn’t a sin but rather sex before marriage.
What is sex before marriage?
According to WIKIPEDIA, Marriage, also called matrimony or wedlock, is a culturally and often legally recognized union between people called spouses. It establishes rights and obligations between them, as well as between them and their children, and between them and their in-laws.
It is important to note that when any part of marriage goes wrong, the mental state of the parties involved will be negatively affected. Marriage is a vital union that can either make or mar destinies. It has the potential to either prolong life or make it very short. It can make individuals live in the shadows or have a fruitful life.
DOES MARRIAGE BEGIN AT WEDDINGS AND CEREMONIES?
The answer is a big “NO.” I think this should help people shift their perspective when it comes to the interpretation of their religious and cultural beliefs.
WHEN DOES MARRIAGE START?
This is the most neglected part of marital discussion. If marriage doesn’t start during or after the ceremony, when does marriage actually begin?
Please keep in mind that this is entirely the author’s opinion as a guide to sanely question the culture of prohibiting a healthy sexual practice before the wedding, before any form of public celebration. This article does not, in any way, intend to castigate your belief. Everyone should have the power to uphold a belief of choice. It is okay to utilize the critical thinking and questioning skills that every human is naturally endowed with.
Coming back to the question: WHEN DOES MARRIAGE BEGIN?
During the gathering of a multitude of witnesses? NO! Marriage begins the moment two people make a legal decision to enter into a lifelong partnership and start building a life together.
n/b: This is not about some sort of boyfriend/girl friend temporary contract. It is a covenant between two people before going public. The moment she or he says “yes” marriage has begun.
SHOULD HEALTHY SEXUAL EXPLORATION BE ALLOWED AFTER MARRIAGE? YES!
From a religious perspective, when the two have agreed on the terms of a legal marriage, it is not a sin to encourage healthy sexual exploration between partners. In fact, sexual exploration should be part of a compatibility test. God does not encourage marital dissatisfaction that could have been preventable.
There should be a clear demarcation between sex before marriage and sex before the wedding. In this context, sex before marriage is the sin confused to be sex before WEDDING
It’s okay to note that I am not marrying the bunch of witnesses at the wedding. I had married her before calling the bunch of people to witness the walking down the aisle.
What the society is seeking is to signify and notify the public that A&B is getting married publicly for legal reasons. It is not out of place to validate legal standing. The society or whichever culture it is, does not enroll people into a marriage union as it is done in terms of education.
Also, still following religious standing, sex before marriage is WRONG as prescribed in the holy book, but sex before the wedding should not be termed as ‘WRONG’
WHY IS IT RIGHT TO ENCOURAGE SEXUAL EXPLORATION BEFORE THE WEDDING?
I have three reasons for you to ponder upon:
Emotional and relational compatibility: Sexual compatibility is an important aspect of any intimate relationship. By not exploring sexually after the journey of marriage has begun, as stipulated in this article, and having to wait until the society approves of what one is going into for life on personal grounds, can pose a risk that may not be healthy for the longevity of the union. In a situation where they have committed to a lifelong partnership without fully understanding their sexual desires and compatibility, it can become a future time bomb waiting to explode. There is no marriage without sex.
- Medical compatibility
There are a lot of medical complications in people that normally wouldn’t be envisioned for checks before the wedding. Having to discover such sexual disabilities after the wedding may become disastrous to the union. I have not heard of a couple being checked or screened for the following conditions before the wedding:
- VAGINISMUS POLYCYSTIC OVARY SYNDROME (PCOS) TURNER SYNDROME
- PRIMARY OVARIAN INSUFFICIENCY (POI)
- HYPOPITUITARISM
- ANDROGEN INSENSITIVITY
- CONGENITAL ADRENAL HYPERPLASIA (CAH)
- MAYER-ROKITANSKY-KUSTER-HAUSER, etc.
3. Sexual repression and trauma:
Strict adherence to the dogma of ‘SEX BEFORE WEDDING IS A SIN’ can contribute to repression, which may lead to unhealthy sexual attitudes and behaviors in marriage. It can also lead to a situation where individuals may be more vulnerable to sexual trauma, as discussions around consent, boundaries, and communication may be limited or repressed. All of the above may be some preventable issues that usually lead to divorce, mental health trauma, and other health-related ailments.
Furthermore, some religious individuals may be asking me questions like: “Does God make mistakes when it is a union directed by Him? How do you explain other causes of divorces in marriages and all the issues that happen after marriage?” I have been able to answer most of these questions, That in a bid to reduce the rate of divorce. One must guard against some preventable scenarios because God himself isn’t punishing us the way we misinterpreted his supposedly good laws to cage humankind.
CONCLUSION
There is no sin such as “sex before the wedding” as the wedding ceremony in the eyes of God. Man should stop creating sin that wasn’t ascribed by the creator.
you can also read: Effects of Gender Expectations on Male Development – edisonwrites
Sex itself is a good virtue but anytime sex is done in a wrong way doesn’t bring the blessing of God. It is the exvlusive reserved of the married. Hebrew 4:12:says marriage is honourable but the bed undefiled , meaning, anyone who’s not married and involves in sex defiles their bodies. Our body is the temple of God , and so it should be kept undefiled , pure and blameless. My take anyways…Thank you very much.
The post agrees that sex before Marriage is WRONG, but sex before Wedding is not wrong because marriage doesn’t start on the occasion of wedding ceremony
Many for decade have hold unto a believe that sex should be after wedding. Why? Because many beliefs have it that is when everybody is gathered as an occasion where the religious leader will bless the man and the woman and declared them married, if not any form of sexual engagement will be termed as sin.This is due to lack of understanding between marriage and wedding.
Wedding is a marriage that is celebrated publicly as a formal occasion regardless of the number of people there. Marriage is a cultural event that can be made legal if you wish or you want the government to be aware via the judiciary system (cultural is the first). So it’s culturally or traditionally wrong in the first place to have sex with your partner who hasn’t fulfill any cultural or traditional rites. So the event that takes place at the traditional rite is the beginning of your marriage and can be called a wedding if it’s ceremoniously celebrated. So YES sex before marriage in this context is WRONG.
When you said yes to each other is not the beginning of MARRIAGE it’s the beginning of the processes you are to follow before getting married and this process is called COURTSHIP, logically SEX is wrong in courtship too since you aren’t married yet.
From the religious perspective NO CHURCH should join couple together without fulfill the traditional rites, since the bible also respect that. Being joined together in church is a wedding because it’s a ceremony, it’s not a MUST you do it in as much as you have settled the cultural demand for marriage which is the FIRST. If you then choose to come to the church to be joined together in HOLY matrimony in a ceremony as such a wedding, then you should not have SEX before that day because it’s a LAW in the HOLY BIBLE and you are bound to such as a Christian because the BED must not be defiled before such ceremony.
You can however choose not to make the church event a ceremony by just inviting a priest for the solemnization but in as much as the BIBLE is used as a binding scared Manuscript for the solemnization, it means SEX must not come in before that day as well.
On the legal aspect which is optional its has only become mandatory because to travels, divorce, paper work and the likes which you can as well choose not to do and since it can be done at anytime with minimum of two witnesses without any ceremony you can engage in SEX before that time provided you have settled the traditional rite and you are doing the legal work after church ceremony/wedding.
It’s good we make some things clear regardless of our religious belief. On the aspect of compactibility in BED more reason you should run all possible vital test before marriage. Efficiency in bed can be worked on provided the two party are truthful to each other and are committed to make their sexual life enjoyable. The excuse of on-bed testing for viability is just an immoral PANDEMIC and a lie the DEVIL is selling to the world.
By Gods grace I dated my wife for 9 years and got to know she was a virgin on the night of our wedding because we never had sex till then. So pls the standard GOD has set is reflected in our cultural stance too.
Well, I stand and agree with your school of thought, because the mean is paying dowry of your supposed wife to the father or father figure I.e when the father is no more and when that dowry is accepted and both of you are blessed you’re fully married and if you don’t to do the borrowed culture called wedding in or out of any church you can enjoy yourselves as couple. Thanks continue the good work Mr Eddy Note: we need more of such because so many christians study their pastors instead of the word of God and so many have miss the right path.